That Summer
by blue.moon.smiles
Summary: When B, N, and S decide to spend the summer on N's boat, childhood crushes become adult desires, friendships become rivalries, and the world they knew loses its boundaries. One thing's for sure- things will never be the same. BNS triangle.
1. Retrospection

**Author's Note: This is my second Gossip Girl fanfic. I was inspired by an idea I had while writing "It Was Meant to Be You," when Nate mentions that he spent a summer sailing with Serena and Blair. It's supposed to be the summer between freshman and sophomore year, ending with the Shepard wedding. Oh, and in case you can't tell, the beginning is many years later. Let me know what you think! XOOX.**

It was just the three of them and the silence that they had created together. It was just as it always had been. It had started with laughter that had faded into tears somewhere along the blurred road and had come to a dead end at silence. It was always filled up by noise, but the silent spaces between them had never really been broken.

The blonde spoke first, because she knew how to fill the room with noise without breaking silences. They knew from experience. "God, we're so screwed up." She laughed a hollow laugh.

There was no reply from the man and the woman facing her. She just looked at her wedding ring and stared up at the blonde, expectation and accusation in her eyes. The man was wearing a matching wedding ring, but he wasn't looking at it. He was just looking at the blonde. The look on his handsome face could only have been described as indescribable.

She continued talking, if only to avoid the looks on their faces. "We've always been this fucked up, haven't we? When did it start, this whole mess?"

"I think you know. When you two first slept together," the other woman said, her face not moving and her voice expressionless. It was strange that she was the other woman, even when she was the one with the wedding ring on.

The man looked at her briefly. "No. It was that summer."

They had all seen a lot of summers in their time, but they knew right away which one he was talking about. Something like a melancholy smile played on the lips of the blonde. "That summer."

The three of them looked at each other, remembering.

"We had one hell of a time, didn't we?" the other woman asked, something like amiability creeping into her tone.

"Yeah," said the man, his voice far away. "That was when it all started."

"But we were happy, weren't we?" the blonde asked, softly. "We were happy then and we aren't happy now."

"That's because everything changed that summer," the man said, gazing up at her. His green eyes still smoldered the way they had when they were just 16.

"I guess it did," murmured the blonde, remembering.

The three of them looked at each other, and suddenly they realized that it was just them in the room. The silence was gone. The predictable circle that their love and friendship had been following for years had been broken. There was no silent anger left between them. There were just three of them standing there, three people whose lives had crossed and uncrossed over time. They were three broken people, screwed up by the course that their lives had taken. They were three people, remembering a summer that had shaped and defined their lives. That summer.

It was the party someone had thrown to celebrate end of freshman year. School had just gotten out, but already they were partying like there was no tomorrow. Serena was up on the table, downing margaritas and periodically stopping to give a besotted boy a kiss. A crowd of admirers watched her, as she got drunker and drunker. She had spilled champagne all over herself, her clothes were falling off, and her hair was matted with sweat, but of course she still looked hot. Serena _always_ looked hot. She was the golden girl, the one who they all wanted to be with or be. Sometimes both.

Her best friend, Blair, watched her with a mixture of disapproval, admiration, and jealousy. She knew that she would be the one hauling her home at 4:00 a.m., dealing with her hangover in the morning, and attempting to explain everything to her tough mother, Lilly. But it was crazy to watch her as she threw herself into the music, not caring who thought what. She just went wild and let loose, totally free of any worries or cares or obligations to anyone or anything. For the millionth time, Blair wished that that were her up there. She wished that she were a few inches taller, a little bit skinnier, and blonde instead of brunette. She wished that people would look at her and worship her and talk about her the way they did about Serena. In short, she wished she were Serena.

But Blair had something Serena didn't, for some reason that she couldn't explain herself. She had Nate. Nate Archibald was hers, all hers. Well, Nate and Serena and her were best friends, but he had chosen Blair over Serena. Blair knew well enough that Serena had had a vague crush on Nate throughout their childhood, but Nate had been the only person ever to look at Blair before he looked at Serena. They had been dating since kindergarten, but as Blair glanced over at Nate, who was talking with his close friend Chuck, she still got the shivers. He was so gorgeous and popular. He could have had Serena, but he had her instead. And that was what mattered.

Up on the table, Serena lifted up her shirt, flashing a lacy pink bra to everyone present, filled with some incredible cleavage. Lovestruck boys moaned with desire. But Serena wasn't paying attention to them. She was so drunk that she hardly knew where she was anymore, but she could still see Nate's face through the blur. Nate Archibald. Her amazingly hot best friend. And the boyfriend of her other best friend. She'd always had kind of a crush on him, but unlike every other boy she'd known, he barely looked at her. They did all sorts of crazy things together, but only as friends. And even if he had seen her as something more than a friend, Blair, his girlfriend, was practically a sister to her. Even for Nate, Serena knew that she couldn't violate that. So she might as well just get drunk and have a good time, because there was nothing else she could do. She ripped off her shirt entirely and undulated her hips. Who knew? Maybe Nate would see how hot she looked without a shirt on.

Over in the corner, Nate was talking to Chuck. He barely knew what they were talking about, though, because he was too busy watching Serena. Every time one of those perverted jackasses gathered around the bar reached up to touch her leg, he could feel his fingers balling into a fist. He couldn't stop looking at the way her eyes flashed brightly and how her cotton candy colored bra hugged her chest tightly. He _was_ a guy after all, and Serena was his best friend. That was probably why he was so jealous of all those other guys who Serena was making out with and all. But he knew deep down that it was more than that.

He had always had a little crush on Serena, even though he was dating Blair. It was harmless, really and he didn't pay a lot of attention to it, but it was there. When he had been in kindergarten, they had all played silly little games. They were boyfriend and girlfriend, prince and princess. He remembered thinking that he liked the blonde one, Serena, because she had pretty eyes. He had been going to ask her to be his girlfriend when the little brunette girl named Blair had fallen off the swings and begun to cry. He had felt bad for her and run over. She had stopped crying when he came over and he soon found himself asking her to be his girlfriend. She had smiled sweetly and from there their relationship had progressed. He had been watching Serena out of the corner of his eye, though, ever since then. She was always busy doing something totally wild and Serena-like. Sometimes their gaze met, though, and Nate wondered if there wasn't something more than the secure, safe way he felt around Blair. He had never really found time to try it out though. Maybe one day.

"Don't you think?" Chuck asked, bringing Nate out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" Nate asked, a bit peeved to be dragged away from meditations about his beautiful best friend.

"Too busy watching the _best friend_ to pay attention to me, eh?" Chuck inquired, knowingly. He smirked and glanced up at Serena. "It's ok, Nathaniel, she's hot. I'd fuck her too if I were you."

Nate was astonished. Did Chuck know that he secretly fantasized about Serena? Sure, he and Chuck were pretty good friends, but he would never tell him anything like that. "What are you talking about? I have a girlfriend."

"I'm sure you were thinking about her while you were checking out Serena's boobs," Chuck said, sarcastically.

"I wasn't!" Nate protested. "I was just, you know, worried that some guy might, like hurt her or something.

"Mmm-hmm," mumbled Chuck, already distracted by a pretty redhead who brushed past him. "Well, I'll leave you to it, Nathaniel."

Nate watched as Chuck slinked after the girl, slipping his arm around her waist. That was how it was with Chuck. Nate forced himself not to look at Serena, who was sitting in the lap of some guy on the football team.

Instead, he looked for Blair. He felt a little guilty, only looking at Blair when Serena wasn't his to look at, but he didn't like to dwell on it. He spotted the pretty brunette and made his way through the crowd toward her.

"Hey Blair," he said, taking her hand. She had nice hands. And it felt comfortable holding them. Maybe that was how love was supposed to feel. Comfortable.

Blair looked up at Nate and smiled her soft smile. "Nate. I've been wondering when you would come and talk to me."

"Sorry," he said. "Chuck's been annoying me and I couldn't get away."

It wasn't strictly a lie.

"I'm going to miss you this summer." Blair frowned slightly.

"I'll miss you too," he said.

That wasn't strictly a lie either. He'd miss her; he'd just be missing someone else more.

"I've been kind of thinking," Blair murmured, somewhat worried that she would seem clingy or stupid if she kept talking. "How 'bout if you took me with you? You must get lonely sailing by yourself all summer. And then we wouldn't have to miss each other."

Nate was silent for a minute. Sailing was his thing, what he did every summer. It wasn't the kind of thing Blair did. It required work, really hard work, and it meant being willing to sacrifice. He knew Blair wasn't too good at that kind of thing. But he knew that the real reason he didn't want to take her was that it seemed so serious and committed. When you sailed around on a boat with your girlfriend for the whole summer, it sort of meant something. And Nate wasn't really sure what that something was and if he was ready for it.

All he could say was, "Well, you know I'd love to…"

That was strictly a lie.

"But don't you have plans with Serena and all this summer? It would disrupt your whole summer."

Blair frowned a bit, and then her face brightened. "Well, we could bring Serena along with us? You know, make it a party. It would be so much fun. Please, Nate." She gave him a look with her big doe-eyes.

Bring Serena. That sounded less scary, more fun. He did get lonely all by himself on that big boat. It wasn't so much the pleading look from his girlfriend as it was the offer of bringing Serena that changed his mind. "Let's do it."

Blair smiled and pulled his head closer to hers. "Let's," she purred, seductively. She brought their lips together. It felt so right to be here with him. She couldn't wait for those long nights spent on his sailboat. Anything could happen.

Nate was surprised by how Blair turned him on. She wasn't Serena, but she was a girl and she was his and she could kiss. That was enough. For now.

Serena was locking lips with Derek. Or Eric? It didn't matter. His beer-soaked hands were all over her, his hungry lips and tongue were moving in sync with hers. But she wasn't watching. She was watching a tender and passionate kiss between Blair and Nate. And she hated herself for watching it. "Come on," she said to Derek, pulling him toward her. "I know somewhere we can go."

Derek (whose name was actually Paul) followed her his hands eagerly undoing the little clothing she had left on, and fumbling with his own.

It was just another night for Serena. Another wild one-night stand. Another attempt at forgetting her childhood best friend and crush, the one boy she couldn't have.

Everything looked different in the light of the morning. No one knew that better than Serena. She woke up to a soft morning, the sky neither blue nor gray. Either way, her head hurt when she looked at the light. She was in one of the suites of the hotel where the party for the end of freshman year had been held. She wasn't wearing anything, and neither was the guy next to her. All around her, discarded garments had been flung along with beer bottles and champagne glasses. This scene astonished her, no matter how many times she woke up to it.

This wasn't her. This wasn't who she was.

That was what she wanted to shout to the world, to scream out loud. She wanted to tell them that she was more than the drunk girl who had slept with three quarters of the freshman and sophomore classes at St. Jude's, along with a variety of other characters. She was a girl with dreams and desires and ambitions. She wanted to write a book. She wanted to go to Southeast Asia and teach English. She wanted to change the world, change herself, change who she had become.

Instead, she picked up her clothes off the floor and slipped them on silently. Her head still throbbed, and her throat felt dry and cracked. She would have much rather rested, but it was time to get out of there.

She grabbed her cell phone and saw that she had several missed calls, all from Blair. Damn. As she slipped silently out of the hotel room, she dialed her best friend's number.

"Hello?" Blair's voice sounded worried.

"Hey babe, it's me," Serena rasped. Tequila wasn't good for the throat.

"It's about time. I've been worried sick. What happened to you last night?"

"Don't ask. I'm at the Plaza still, but I'll catch a cab to your place. I look like shit and I need a shower. And maybe a nap," Serena said, exiting the hotel.

"I'm afraid that's not on the program," Blair stated, sounding oddly happy.

"Oh?" asked Serena, a little perplexed. "I didn't know there was a program." Serena realized that she had forgotten to button up her shirt, and began fussing with the buttons as she attempted to hail a cab.

"We're going to Newport today," Blair said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Newport, Rhode Island?" asked Serena, incredulously.

"That would be the one. _Nate_ has offered to take us sailing with him this summer. You know how he always sails up the coast of Maine and all that? Well, I guess he got lonely because he asked me to come with him. And when I told him I couldn't because I wanted to be here with you, he suggested that you come along. Isn't it perfect?" Blair was squealing with delight now.

Serena didn't know what to say. Everything was happening so fast. "I haven't even talked to my mom yet…"

"Oh, don't worry, I already have. And I have your bag packed. All you need to do is meet me at Grand Central in 30 minutes," Blair commanded. The only time she got to order Serena around like this was in the mornings, and she liked it more than she would have enjoyed admitting.

"Um, ok," Serena agreed, unsure of what else to do. "See you."

"Ciao," Blair chirped, just as a taxi pulled up.

Serena flopped in, a discombobulated mess of clothing, hair, and confused, hungover girl.

The cab driver raised an eyebrow at her. "Uh, where to miss?"

Serena considered for a second. She could bum around New York for the summer or head up to Newport with her two best friends, Blair and Nate. That's when it hit her. She would be spending the summer with Nate Archibald. "Grand Central, I guess."


	2. Realization

**Author's Note: I'm getting really into this story, so I've been updating quickly. I won't be able to do this for long, however, so enjoy it while it lasts. For those who asked, this isn't particularly book-based or show-based. I haven't read all the books, and I'm more into the show, but this is sort of a prequel to both of them so it doesn't really matter. The events that occur after this story are from the show, though. Serena loses her virginity at the Shepard Wedding, not in the fountain at Nate's house. Obviously, because it's BNS, it's more like the books than the show, which totally dropped that plotline. Hope that helps. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! XOXO.**

After three hours on a train from New York to Providence and a limo ride to the New York Yacht Club in Newport (**A/N: The Yacht Club in Newport is call the New York Yacht Club. It isn't in New York :) ****)**, most of which Serena slept through and Blair and Nate caught up on Vogue and some summer reading, they were finally there, ready to embark on their summer adventures.

Before they left, though, the three of them ordered champagnes in the clubhouse. A somewhat-recovered-from-partying Serena giggled and raised her glass. "To us! And to an amazing summer."

Blair and Nate both clinked glasses with her, laughing.

"So do we have, like, food on the boat? And drinks?" asked Serena, who was still frazzled by the fact that she was here.

Nate was the authority on all things regarding the boat. "Well, we have provisions, and of course that includes drinks. But we do kind of need a cook…"

Blair looked away, dodging Nate's gaze. She had been afraid of this. She didn't want to spend her summer _cooking_ on a boat. That was a totally un-Blairlike thing to do. She needed to catch up on her tan and maybe read a little bit. And of course have hot sex with Nate in the cabin. But cooking and all forms of work weren't exactly on the agenda for her.

Blair hadn't told anyone, not even Serena, but she intended to lose her virginity to Nate. She wanted to go into tenth grade as an experienced girl who had been there and done that. She also wanted to show Nate just how much she loved him and wanted him. She closed her eyes for a moment, imagining how perfect it was going to be.

Luckily, Serena volunteered. "Ooo! I can cook!"

Nate laughed. "That's likely."

Serena pouted. "What, do you have a better offer or something?"

Too quickly, Nate denied it. "No, no. You're Chef Serena from now on, even if you burn all the food."

"Yippeee," cried Serena. She was kind of tipsy, and the summer sunset was going to her head.

Nate laughed and they finished their drinks, sitting in companionable silence for several minutes. Finally, Nate cleared his throat and looked at the girls. They both looked so pretty. It was just his luck that Serena and Blair were the two loveliest girls in New York, maybe even the world. Blair had graceful, fragile beauty. She was elegant and poised and her facial features were delicate. Her chestnut curls and softly tanned skin looked pretty in the soft evening light. He was proud to be able to tell others that that was his girlfriend. But looking at the girl next to her, there was no comparison. Her crooked smile and pointed nose weren't conventionally pretty, but her gorgeous navy eyes and her expressive ruby lips made her face the perfect combination of flaws. Everything about her face and body was so expressive and alive. From the way her pale golden hair bounced and swayed as she moved to her vast navy eyes that seemed to light up her entire face, everything about her was ethereally beautiful. Nate had never seen anything like it. He shook his head, remembering the task on hand.

"We'd better get out of here," Nate said. "I want to find somewhere to anchor before it gets too dark."

The three of them stood up and walked from the posh clubhouse out onto the steep hill it was settled on. The view from the clubhouse was stunning, as you could see the soft pink and orange of the sunset reflected on the bay. Masts of stately sailboats pierced the sky, and the water rippled gently with the breeze. Nate drew his breath in. He loved this view. Every time he left for the summer, he would spend a minute or two just looking down. It was one of those things that made spending the summer away from New York City understandable.

The girls were equally awed. "Wow," breathed Serena, and Blair nodded in agreement.

It was the perfect moment for the three of them, standing in companionable silence and looking down on Newport Harbor. All their troubles and cares and crushes were forgotten in that moment. They were just three best friends, looking at a stunning view.

Serena broke the spell, because she was never one to be captivated by something for long. She looked at the steep, grassy hill and suddenly squealed. "Let's roll down the hill!"

Before Nate or Blair could reply, Serena was tumbling and twirling down the grassy hill, her blonde hair flying everywhere. They heard her shrieks of delight and found themselves laughing at her antics. That was such a Serena thing to do.

"Let's go," Nate urged Blair. He took her hand and pulled her toward the hill.

Blair resisted. It had been all right for Serena, but there was no way she was going to get her clothes dirty and stained by rolling down a stupid hill. "You go. I'll meet you at the bottom." She began to walk down the stone steps that had been added to make descending the hill easier.

Nate shrugged and lay down on the hillside. The grass smelled new and fresh and wonderful, like summer rain. He began to roll down, first slowly and then more quickly. He felt himself flying, bumping up and down. It was exhilarating, this pure and childlike joy that he felt at tumbling down a steep and grassy hill.

Soon he found himself at the bottom, lying dizzily in the grass. He heard Serena's laughter beside him and looked over. She was covered in grass stains and dirt, but she was smiling and laughing. Nate had never seen her looking more beautiful.

Serena giggled. "Look at you, you're a mess."

Nate looked down at himself and noticed that it was true. He was covered in stains and dirt, but it felt all right. He was almost proud to be a mess. "So are you," was all he could think of to say.

Suddenly everything felt different for the two of them. It was like some sort of premonition or something, but the laughter in that moment died. They stared at each other for several seconds, until Serena shivered and looked away. His green eyes were burning with a passion that made her heart throb. She had never really felt anything like this before. Was it love? Or was it just an awkward moment between two best friends? Either way, it felt weird.

Luckily, before the moment became any weirder, Blair was standing over them. "You two are crazy," she clucked affectionately. "Come on, we'd better get on the boat."

Serena jumped up; she was eager to escape this moment. "Yeah, Natie. Let's go!"

Silently, Nate stood, still brooding over what had just happened. He glanced at Serena and saw that all her enthusiasm was fake. So she had felt it too. "I'll go tell the guy at the launch," Nate said. "We have to take a smaller boat out to my sailboat."

Blair looked from Serena to Nate. Something wasn't right. Why was Serena faking all this peppy enthusiasm? And why was Nate acting all pensive and thoughtful? Had they had a fight? That didn't seem likely. She shrugged it off. People could be so weird sometimes.

They walked in silence to the launch, which was an inflatable gray motorboat that took them to the sailboats, and for the first time, this wasn't amiable silence. But it was still silence that could be ended, as was evident from Serena's real joy at riding the launch. She was always quick to make comebacks, and one awkward moment wasn't going to ruin her night.

The launch bobbed up and down and sprayed water all over the three of them. Serena squealed and shrieked with laughter. "This is so much fun! Don't you just love this?"

Nate and Blair both laughed. This was the great thing about Serena. She found the most mundane things in life wonderful and joyful. Her face lit up and her eyes got wide, simply from taking a small gray motorboat through Newport Harbor. She really was a special kind of girl.

As Serena sat in the bow (front) of the boat, inhaling the spray and getting as wet as she could, Nate and Blair were seated comfortably in the stern (back). The driver was right in front of them, but Blair didn't mind. She had Nate all to herself, and she took the opportunity. She kissed him passionately and he found himself kissing her back, incredibly hard. She tasted like strawberries and gingerbread. She tasted warm and sweet and comfortable. Was that how kisses were supposed to taste?

Blair loved how Nate kissed her. The feeling of his mouth on hers was the most insanely pleasurable sensation she had ever experienced. It felt so perfect and right being there. He tasted like the ocean, salty and tangy. She never wanted this kiss to end.

Serena's joy at being on the launch was quenched when she saw Nate and Blair kissing. Why did they always have to look like that when they kissed? Like they were so in love and perfect for each other? It was so _wrong_. Serena couldn't help feeling jealous. She wanted to be Blair in this moment, to be the girl that Nate wanted desperately. But Nate went right on kissing Blair, as he should have. Ugh.

Unfortunately for Blair, the kiss was over as soon as the launch came to a halt. Nate couldn't help but look at Serena, to see what she thought of the kiss. He was surprised to see that she was looking at him. He had never been very good at reading expressions, but he thought that perhaps that was pain in her eyes.

Nate tipped the launch driver and stepped onto his boat. It was a beautiful 40-footer that his father had bought. It was made of the most perfect mahogany wood, and it was a deep red color. Even the cabin was lovely, containing four rooms and a kitchen, all with enormous windows and beautiful furniture. There was honestly no place on earth that Nate loved better than his boat.

The two girls stepped onto the ship, impressed. They saw why Nate loved his boat so much now. "It's beautiful," Blair breathed. It was the perfect place for her and Nate to finally do it.

"It is," agreed Serena. "What's it called?" It occurred to her that Nate had never told her the boat's name.

That was a question Nate was used to hearing, but he never really had an answer. He didn't want to give his boat a name yet. Maybe when he had had some real adventures on it, he could christen it, but it felt too early and permanent to give the boat a name yet. He wanted to get to know it better, sort of. "It doesn't really have one yet," Nate admitted. "I only got it a year ago and I haven't sailed it much. I want to like, know more about it and how it sails before I slap a name on the back of it."

Serena smiled. That was just like Nate. He was always so indecisive and unclear and he never knew what he wanted. It was wonderful.

"Let's get going," Blair said, as impatient as ever.

"Yeah," Nate agreed. "I don't think we'll be able to get farther than Block Island before it gets dark. Getting out of here is a little tricky."

"Should we go down and put our stuff in our rooms and whatever?" Serena asked.

"Oh yeah!" Nate exclaimed. "I forgot."

He led the two girls down to the cabin. "There are four rooms, and you two can have whichever ones you want." Nate usually slept on deck anyway. He liked the way the stars shone and the summer breeze danced playfully on his face.

Serena and Blair set about exploring. Blair was on a mission. She had to find the room with the biggest, most comfortable bed and claim it. And of course, her room had to have its own bathroom and enough space for all her luggage. The first room she peeked into had a bunkbed. Definitely not suitable. The second room was slightly larger, but she doubted that her many clothes would fit in the small dresser. It was when she entered the third room that she knew she had found her perfect space. The bed was enormous, it had an adjoining bathroom, and there was a _closet_. She hadn't expected to find anything like this on a boat. "I found my room," she called to Serena, setting down her luggage.

"Me too," yelled Serena. Blair could tell that Serena was in the room she hadn't explored, and curiously, she walked over to where Serena was setting down her bags. It wasn't as big as Blair's room, and it had a bureau rather than a closet. Blair smiled to herself. But Serena ran over to the bed and cried out, "Look, Blairy! I got a waterbed!"

Blair was suddenly a little jealous. Waterbeds were probably the perfect place for sex. But looking at Serena's delighted face as she coasted and jiggled up and down on the bed, she couldn't help but be a little happy for her. It would probably be uncomfortable for sleeping anyway.

Nate was in the kitchen, checking provisions. They appeared to have everything they would need, plus champagne. He heard the girls giggling and squealing with delight and smiled to himself. He wanted them to enjoy this trip.

He walked up on deck and checked all the lines. They were ready to go. He walked over to where the boat was on its mooring, and began to pull the line off. They were ready to set sail.

The girls felt the boat begin to lurch as they were both jumping on Serena's waterbed. Quickly, they ran up on deck, ready to take off. Nate was busy fixing lines and pulling sails, but the girls watched the boat pull out of the harbor. The lights twinkled gently in Newport as the stars began to shine, and ahead of them stretched the vast sea.

"I think this calls for some champagne," Serena said. She disappeared below to find a bottle and some glasses for them.

The summer had truly begun, and the Upper East Siders were ready to party.

Nate was absorbed in pulling out of the harbor, because despite the fact that he had been sailing since he could walk, one-manning a 40-foot yacht was no easy task. He could feel Blair's eyes on him, however. It unsettled him, the intensity of her brown gaze. Whenever he met her eyes, he didn't feel any jolt of electricity or anything. He simply felt like he was looking at her, his pretty girlfriend of many years. He hoped she didn't think he was madly in love with her or anything, because he knew for sure that while he loved her, he wasn't _in love_ with her yet. Maybe time would change things.

His thoughts were interrupted by Serena's bubbly voice. "Who wants champagne?"

Nate had a policy of not drinking while sailing. It had never been difficult before, because there had been no alcohol to tempt him with. But his throat felt exceptionally dry now, and he almost asked for a glass. Then he remembered where he was and kept his eyes off Serena and her champagne. He had to watch his course, and Serena was a distraction.

Blair, on the other had, happily accepted a flute of champagne. The two girls sat down on the cushions that had been laid out on the deck of the boat. "It's so beautiful here," breathed Blair.

Serena's deep blue eyes became soft and serious for a moment. "It's nice, sometimes, to just get away, you know?"

"Yeah," Blair breathed. "New York can be kind of crazy sometimes."

Serena stared at the sky for a minute. "Don't you sometimes wonder if there's more to life? More than partying and sex and fashion and Gossip Girl? That maybe there's some happiness out there?"

Blair looked over at Serena, astonished. This was totally not like Serena. Serena was always happy and bubbly. "I think we have happiness right here," Blair replied, dodging the questions. It was true, though. The three best friends had a boat and a whole summer to look forward to.

But Serena's eyes were far away as she sipped her champagne. "I guess you're right," she murmured.

It was hours later, when they were anchored near Block Island and the others were sleeping that Serena decided to take a walk on deck.

She crept silently up the stairs, afraid to wake Blair and Nate. Blair was breathing heavily in her spacious room, and she assumed that Nate was in one of the other rooms, although she hadn't seen him head in. Out on deck, the world seemed empty. Moonlight bathed her and the stars were bright, if still far away.

She walked up to the bow of the boat, the soft wind blowing her hair about her. She was dressed only in her bra and pajama pants, but it wasn't like there was anyone to see her. She stared up into the sky and thought about what Blair had said. They had happiness already. Serena wondered if it was true. There were some moments when everything seemed perfect, when she couldn't control the sheer joy she felt about just being alive. But when she was in New York, partying like wild and having hot sex with random guys, she wasn't happy. And there were moments even out here when she felt like she wanted to cry. What was her life missing? She was the girl who had everything- money, looks, friends, power. Then it hit her. She was missing love. Love was what made Blair and Nate content. She needed that in her life. Maybe love would give her the meaning she was missing.

Just then her thoughts were interrupted. "Serena?"

She spun around, suddenly ashamed of her attire. "Nate? I didn't know you were awake."

"Well, I usually sleep on deck," he said, still mesmerized by her angelic appearance. The moonlight made her look like a goddess or something. "But it's just one of those nights, you know, when it's impossible to sleep."

"Yeah," Serena agreed.

"So what were you doing up here?" Nate asked, still unable to believe that she was real.

"I was just thinking," Serena replied, noticing that when the moon hit Nate's golden-brown hair, he looked sort of like an angel. A male angel of course.

"I didn't know you were capable," he joked.

"Hey!" Serena said playfully, faking injury.

"But seriously, what were you thinking about that brought you all the way out of your bed and up here?" Nate prodded, seriously interested.

"Well, I was thinking about love," sighed Serena, aware that this might be a bit awkward.

Nate was silent. He had spent his whole evening thinking about the same thing.

"I want what you and Blair have," Serena said enviously. "It's like, when you two are together, you only see each other. You accept each other, you know. There's nothing and no one who can come between you. That's what I want."

Nate didn't know what to say. Should he tell her that he and Blair weren't like that? That he loved her dearly but that he knew there was something deeper than what he felt for Blair? Instead, he heard himself saying, "You know, Serena, any guy would be lucky to have you."

Serena looked away. "I don't want just any guy, Nate."

When she looked back at him, Nate saw for the first time that there was something behind his friend's big blue eyes, something deeper than uncontrolled joy and love for life. She was broken and desperate, drowning in the mess she had created for herself. He suddenly felt the need to protect her, to hold her and be there for her. He reached for her hand, instinctively. "You'll find your guy," he assured her, trying not to sound too much like he wanted it to be him.

Serena felt it again, that weirdness from earlier and felt herself snatching her hand away. It was still warm from his touch. "Thanks, Natie. I'd better go to sleep."

"Night," he said softly, watching her walk back to the cabin. She was an angel, broken and beautiful. Her partying and drinking were all a façade, necessary to mask her need for love and fulfillment. This knowledge only brought her closer to him and made him desire her all the more.


	3. Secrets

**Author's Note: Chapter 3 is up, and frankly I'm not in love with it, but I've already started work on Chapter 4 and I like where it's going. See for yourself, though. And please, please review :). Thanks to all who have. A few words, though. I do summer in Newport and I've done a lot of sailing around there, but nothing as major as what Nate and the girls are doing. I'm bad at geography and I have only a vague idea how long it takes to sail from Block Island to Cuttyhunk or anywhere, so I'm sorry if I totally mess that up. Also, I know it's nearly impossible that Nate would be sailing a 40 ft. yacht all by himself, but I didn't want to add any more characters to complicate the plot. I hope you'll forgive the flaws and I'll try to make it as accurate as possible. Enjoy! XOXO.**

Nate woke up at sunrise and looked out on the sea. Red and orange spilled over the horizon and onto the ocean. It was beautiful. When he was at home, he always smoked a joint in the morning, but out here it was like he didn't need to. He was happy just to sit and watch the sun come up. He remembered the night before, how unhappy Serena had seemed. She wasn't just the golden girl, happy and carefree. She yearned for true love, like the love he had with Blair. He wasn't even going to begin analyzing his feelings for Blair and Serena. It was too screwed up. But he did want to cheer her up. How? He watched as the sun slipped into the sky, golden and glowing. The world looked fresh and new in the morning, and he loved the way it smelled.

Suddenly his vision was blocked by a pair of cold hands slipping gently over his eyes. He smiled.

"Guess who?" Serena cried, her voice full of the soft warmth that it always contained.

"Hugh Grant?" Nate asked, sounding perplexed.

Serena giggled. "Not quite."

"Blair?"

She pulled her hands off. "No, silly, it's Serena."

She bounced over next to him, her blonde hair flying everywhere. She was wearing a pair of denim shorts and a black tanktop that showed off her flat stomach and curves.

"Who?" Nate joked.

She batted him playfully with her hands. "I'm going to cook breakfast," she announced proudly.

He raised his eyebrows. "Uh-oh."

"Natie!" she cried. "You said I was chef. And anyway, I'm making bacon, so I don't know what could go wrong."

Nate laughed. "Well, I'm sure something will. Good luck, Chef Serena."

"You're mean," she giggled. Things felt normal again with Nate. No more awkwardness or weird conversations. "I'm going to have to punish you."

She jumped on his back, pretending to strangle him. Nate smiled. This was the Serena he knew. The happy, playful one who knew how to have fun. He made fake gagging noises and pretended to fall over.

Serena jumped back, her heart beginning to race. Was Nate ok? Had she really hurt him? She hadn't been pulling very hard or anything. "Natie, Natie, are you ok? Oh God, answer me."

Nate lay still, suppressing his laughter as Serena grew frantic. Finally, he jumped up and took her into his arms, tickling her and making fake growling noises.

Serena began laughing uncontrollably, shrieking and begging him to stop. Mostly though, she was just glad that Nate was all right and that things were better between them. And she loved the way his hands felt as they tickled her long legs.

Nate couldn't resist tickling Serena. It was wonderful to see her laugh like this and it felt so right being here with her. There was nothing to come between them now, no awkward crushes or serious silences. They were just two people enjoying the summer sun and soaking up every moment so they could dream about it later.

When Blair rose that next morning, sunlight spilled in through her enormous window and seemed to stain the entire room with its brilliance. She smiled lazily. The gentle rocking of the boat was calming, and if she had been that kind of girl, it would have been the perfect day to stay in bed. But Blair wasn't the lazy-summer-days-drifting-away kind of girl. She had things to do, places to see, and most importantly, people to talk to.

She pulled a navy blue boating dress from her bag. She had purchased it at Barney's, admiring its scooped neck and lacy edges. It fit her well, and it went with her favorite Kate Spade sandals. She pulled those on, brushed her hair methodically, applied her favorite raspberry lipstick, and then looked herself over in the mirror. She smiled. Perfect.

Stepping out of her spacious room, she heard laughter coming from the deck. Serena and Nate were already awake, obviously. Climbing up the stairs, she was a little shocked. Serena was in Nate's arms, squirming and fidgeting and laughing hysterically. He was growling at her like some kind of dumb monster and his hands were crawling all over her. That was when she realized- Nate was _tickling_ Serena.

Blair put her hands on her hips, a twinge of something making her heart flutter. Jealousy, perhaps? Shouldn't Nate be tickling her, his girlfriend? "What _are_ you doing?" she asked, a little put out.

Suddenly they both became completely still, and Nate relinquished his hold on Serena. The looks on their faces were the looks that children had on their faces when they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Nate and Serena both felt like they had been caught stealing an illicit moment with each other. Serena was suddenly aware that Nate's strong arms had been holding her in a way that he ought to have been holding Blair. How could she not have felt how wrong this was a few moments ago? There were things that were ok between friends and things that weren't. To save the moment from becoming angry and painful, Serena jumped over to the startled brunette and grabbed her. "Tickle war!"

Nate and Serena's hands were on her in an instant, tickling her like crazy. Blair began to giggle, and then laugh hysterically. "Stop!" she shrieked. But she didn't really want them to stop. It didn't matter that Nate had been tickling Serena a moment before and holding her like she was his girlfriend, because now he was holding her that way. It wasn't perfect, and Blair wished that it had always been her in Nate's arms, but this was good enough and Blair was content.

After a few minutes of fooling around with Blair and Nate, Serena couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't stand the way Nate cradled Blair gently as his fingers worked their way slowly up and down her arms. It was so different from how he had tickled her, roughly and quickly. She couldn't stand the way Blair giggled softly and pretended not to like the way Nate was tickling her, even though she obviously did. She couldn't stand how she felt like a third wheel, jealously watching all their tender moments. And most of all, she couldn't stand the fact that she cared about all this.

"I'll go work on breakfast," Serena said, trying to make sure she sounded upbeat and cheerful. She had already let Nate see how vulnerable and weak she really was the night before, and she didn't want to do it again. That was why she had been so enthusiastic and joyful all morning, because she couldn't bear the fact that Nate knew her secret now. He knew that she wasn't happy, that there was something missing from her perfect life. Luckily, he didn't know that it was him who was missing.

She went below into the kitchen, her heavy thoughts consuming her. She needed a distraction, some other boy who she could be with to prove to herself that the little crush she had on Nate was just a crush. It was like being out here with just him and Blair and nothing to distract them intensified the little _tendresse_ that she had for him, as the French would say. The thing that scared her most was that she was beginning to think that it might be something more. Something like love, almost.

Shaking her head, she rummaged through the refrigerator, searching for the package of bacon she had seen earlier. There it was. Violently, she ripped it open, trying to empty her head of all thoughts, particularly those concerning a specific boy whose golden-brown hair shone in the moonlight and whose green eyes pierced right through her.

She placed the bacon in the pan, shuddering at the rubbery feel of raw meat. She turned up the stove, trying to clear her head. It was wrong to be thinking like this anyway. Blair was practically her sister, and Serena knew that Blair was madly in love with Nate. Being with Nate would be impossible because they knew each other too well. He knew things about her that she would never tell anyone, not even Blair, and she didn't think that those were things that would make their relationship any stronger. He knew that it wasn't really her who danced on tables and stripped for random guys, and that she had a whole fake appearance as the It girl in the perfect world. That probably wasn't the kind of thing that made boyfriends and girlfriends fall in love. Not that Serena knew, seeing as how she had never really had a relationship before. She sighed and her thoughts drifted to possible boyfriends.

There was Carter Baizen, the mysterious older guy with the sexy appearance and worldly feel to him. Serena had slept with him a few times, and she thought maybe there was more to him. It was like his heart wasn't really in it, the way other guys' hearts were. Maybe he was unhappy too, and faking this whole nonchalant, crazy thing, the way she was. Maybe when she got back to New York she could give him a call.

There was also Henry, a ravishingly handsome English boy with whom she had had a fling. He was in love with her and she knew it, but she didn't think it was possible to fall for him. Maybe if she tried, though.

The truth was that she didn't want to try. She didn't care about Carter or Henry or John or Jack or Michael. She was in love with Nate Archibald, the guy she couldn't, shouldn't, and wouldn't ever have.

"Fuck," she said, slapping her forehead with her palm. That was when she smelled the burning bacon. This day wasn't getting any better.

Up on deck, Blair was resting against Nate. When Serena had gone belowdeck, the tickling had stopped and they had curled up together in the sunshine. They weren't talking, but they didn't have to. They were comfortable with silences, because they weren't silences filled with unsaid things. They were silences because there was nothing really to say.

"We should get going," Nate drawled, eventually. "Cuttyhunk's pretty far and the sea might get a little rough. We can always pull into a harbor along the way, though."

Blair nodded. "Cuttyhunk? That's a funny name." She mostly just talked for the sake of saying something.

"Yeah," Nate agreed. "It's a nice little town. Not great nightlife or bars or anything, but it's really beautiful and I know some people there who I usually go and see. They've usually got some kind of a party going, anyhow."

Nate smiled to himself as he remembered the few days he had spent in Cuttyhunk the previous year. It was a quiet island with beautiful beaches and rolling hills. On the outside, it was pristine with no bars or tourist attractions. But when he had gone to visit his family friends, the Victors, he had found quite a party going on. And the party had continued the whole time he had been there, moving from beach to beach and house to house. He carried the fond memories of pretty girls, nice guys, beautiful scenery, and killer beers with him wherever he went. He always looked forward to returning to the beautiful island of Cuttyhunk.

Blair nodded slightly. "Well, even if there isn't a party, we can have our own party."

Just then, a frazzled looking Serena stepped onto the deck. "I burnt the bacon," she pronounced sadly, as though she were announcing the death of a life-long friend.

Nate began to laugh suddenly. It was so funny, the way Serena could be affected by the smallest of things and how quickly her mood could shift. Plus, it was kind of cute how she had been so determined to cook breakfast for them and she had somehow managed to burn the bacon.

Blair smiled softly, not really sure what the joke was.

"Shut up, Natie," Serena said, barely looking at him. It was weird to be talking to him after what she had just realized.

"All right, all right. I have a boat to sail anyway," he said, rising and heading toward the mooring. He let the boat loose and headed to the back to begin sailing.

Serena pouted a bit, pretending to be upset that her breakfast had been ruined, but her eyes brightened as she had an idea. "Blair, come on, let's get the champagne and the Patron. It's never too early to party!"

Even though Serena had made the discovery that she was in love with Nate, and even though she had managed to burn the bacon, she was determined not to let it spoil her summer.

Blair laughed. "_Life_ is a party with you, S."

The two of them went belowdeck to get out the necessary goods for the party they were planning to have. They pulled bottle after bottle from the liquor cabinet, completely oblivious to the fact that it was ten in the morning and they hadn't even eaten yet. Their arms laden with bottles, they staggered out onto the deck, giggling. They were cheered by the idea of drinks and fun while Nate sailed the boat. They could ignore him and everything else for a while and just have a girls' day together. After all, they were best friends and that was the kind of thing best friends did.

Serena popped the cork from the champagne bottle and squealed as bubbles spilled all over her. She tipped it back and chugged from the bottle. "It's yummy, Blair, try some," she said.

Blair opened her mouth, letting Serena pour some of the fizzy liquid down her throat. She swayed a little on her feet, unsettled, and not just because of the slowly moving boat. Unlike Serena, alcohol affected her even in small quantities. It made her feel more bold and daring and beautiful. More like Serena, actually. She grabbed the bottle and held it told her lips like a microphone. She began to sing, or rather shout, the song that she and Serena had designated as their song. "I come home in the morning light, my mother says 'When you gonna live your life right?'" Blair shrieked.

Serena began to clap and got up on her feet. She took the bottle from Blair. "Oh mother, dear, we're not the fortunate ones," she sang in her warm, bubbly voice.

Together, the two tipsy girls squeaked into the bottle. "And girls, they wanna have fu-un. Oh girls, just wanna have fun!"

Nate was in the back of the boat, watching as his best friends got drunk off of champagne and Patron (Serena had picked up her own "microphone," filled with harder liquor). He smiled fondly at the two of them, looking beautiful as the tried to sing that old tune, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper. It was a bit distracting, watching them while trying to sail to Cuttyhunk, but he honestly didn't really care whether or not he got there anymore. There was a killer party on his boat right now, and he was happy to watch.

Serena was singing now, hiccupping slightly and slurring from the sips of fiery liquor that she had downed. "Some boys take a beeeeautiful girr' and hide, hic, her awaaay from the res' of the worl'. I waaanna be the oone to walk in the, hic, sun…" Her blonde hair swished as she sang, swaying her hips like a gypsy enchantress. Nate was captivated.

He watched as Blair sang into the champagne glass, slightly less drunk than Serena. "Oh girls, they wanna have fu-un. Oh girls, just wanna have some fun…" Blair swayed from side to side and through her hands up in the air, her long brown hair cascading down her back. She was beautiful, too, but Nate couldn't stop staring at Serena (as if he ever could) and he knew in that moment that his feelings for Serena weren't just going to "go away."

He turned away from the sight of two girls having fun and looked at the ocean ahead of him. He honestly didn't know what was coming next, whether it would be a summer squall or glassy calm water. He did know that this was going to be one hell of a trip, though.


	4. Surprises

Author's Note: So here's Chapter 4

**Author's Note: So here's Chapter 4. This is going to be the last chapter I post until maybe July 18****th**** or so because I'm going away and I won't be able to keep writing. Stay tuned, though, because I have no intention of giving up on the story. I'm just getting into it. Anyway, I hope you like it and please please review! XOXO.**

It was late in the afternoon when Nate pulled into the harbor at Cuttyhunk. The sun was an orange-red, and was blazing over the calm water. It had been a relatively easy ride, with a few choppy areas here and there. Blair and Serena had fallen asleep when they were less than halfway there, and Nate knew that they would have some vicious hangovers when they woke up. Nate scampered forward on the boat to pick up an empty mooring. The boat stopped moving, and Nate breathed a sigh of relief. It was different sailing when it was just him. He didn't really care what happened and he took all the reckless shortcuts he could. With Blair and Serena, however, he was more careful and he was always worried that something would happen to the boat. He felt like he had to protect both of them, these beautiful girls who he loved.

Nate looked out at the shore, the white beaches that glistened pink in the afternoon light. He smiled, knowing that these beaches would hardly be this pristine later, when the party got started and everyone was out there dancing their hearts out. He knew that hungover or not, Serena would be the life of the party. They would all love her and she would love them. Maybe she would even find some guy and sneak off into the corner with him to share whispered words and a soft kiss. She would never do that with him.

It hurt just to look at her, snoozing on the enormous blue cushions on the deck, her blonde hair fanning out and her eyes softly closed. Blair was sleeping beside her, and Nate couldn't help but feel a little guilty when he saw the sweet smile on her sleeping face. She was so trusting and innocent and she had no idea what Serena made him feel. He couldn't hurt this girl. He knew she was more fragile than she looked on the outside. He knew a lot of things about Blair, but no one expected him to know them, so he didn't do anything about them.

He knew, first of all, that Blair lived in the shadow of her best friend. Serena was the queen, the most popular girl at Constance Billard. Blair was the slightly less pretty, less fun, less thin girl. It was always Serena and Blair, never Blair and Serena. Nate knew that, but he pretended not to.

He also knew why Blair spent so much time in the bathroom. She had her fingers rammed down her throat, trying to force herself to throw up anything she had just eaten. She had a problem and she needed help, but Nate didn't know what he could do to help her. So he never mentioned it.

He also knew that Blair's family was having problems. Her mother and father weren't in love anymore, and they were always fighting. That was why Blair always looked tired and worn-down these days. Nate knew that it was only a matter of time before Blair's family came apart, leaving her scared and alone in the middle. He knew he couldn't stop it, so he never tried to comfort her.

Nate also knew that he was what kept Blair going. She dreamed about him and fantasized about him. He was her prince, the only perfect thing in her not-so-perfect world. Blair didn't know how imperfect he really was, and if she did know, it would probably drive her over the edge.

Nate knew then that he couldn't leave her. If he broke her heart, there was nothing left for her. He would break apart the friendship of Blair and Serena and leave Blair entirely alone to deal with her problems. He never really helped her with them, but it was the least he could do just to be there for her. Even though Serena was broken and unhappy and yearning for love, Serena could find love and happiness with anyone. She didn't need him the way Blair did. And so, Nate decided, he had to stay with Blair, even if he was in love with her best friend. He couldn't break her any more than the world had already broken her.

When Blair woke up, the red sunlight made her head hurt. She shook her head, trying to clear her vision. She sat up, ignoring the throbbing and aching in her limbs, throat, and head. Beside her, Serena was sleeping. From the looks of it, she wouldn't be awake for a while. Blair looked around the boat and saw Nate standing in the front, gazing out at the island in front of her. She smiled. Now would be the perfect time to do what she had been hoping to do.

Blair crept up behind Nate and put her arms around him. He jumped a bit, but smiled when he saw that it was her. "Nate," she crooned, nervous tension suddenly rising in her stomach. "I've been wondering…"

It was several minutes later, when Nate was making out with Blair on her bed, that he realized he was supposed to be excited for this. His girlfriend wanted to do it with him. They were going to have sex. Somehow, Nate didn't feel the nervous excitement that he knew Blair was feeling. Nevertheless, he did his duty, and he began to pull off her clothes.

Blair was suddenly regretting all the sugar she had eaten over the last few days. She hoped Nate didn't think she was fat. But she threw herself into it, letting him peel off her blue dress. Suddenly she felt very naked, in nothing more than her lacy La Perla lingerie. Nate was taking off his own clothes too, his aqua polo shirt and khaki shorts. There he was, in nothing but his boxers. She drew her breath in. This was the boy she had been dating since kindergarten, the boy she was going to marry. He was beautiful.

Nate pulled Blair down on the bed, wanting to get it over with. He had never done it before, but he knew what to do. It was like an instinct almost. He kissed her softly because he knew that that was how she wanted to be kissed. He sat on top of her, a bit awkwardly, and began to do what came to mind. He felt like he was watching himself, watching as he removed Blair's bra and underwear, watching as he took off his own boxers, watching as the two of them were naked together, pressing against each other. He could feel Blair's eagerness and she flipped over on top of him. She straddled him the way people did in movies, and waited for him to respond. He touched her gently and murmured, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Before she could say anything, a voice interrupted their intimate scene. "Blair? Natie? Hellooo?"

The door was pulled open, and Serena van der Woodsen stood, gaping, as Nate and Blair untangled in between the sheets. Nate immediately pulled away from Blair, feeling as though he had betrayed the beautiful blonde standing in the doorway. Blair stared at Serena, unable to help the anger that was rising in her chest. She couldn't believe that Serena had ruined their moment.

Serena stood, paralyzed, in the doorway. She felt a lump rising in her throat as she realized what she had just walked in on. Blair had been about to have sex with Nate, the one guy she was in love with. "Sorry," she mumbled, and slammed the door. Her heart was racing and she felt tears stinging her eyes. She had to get off this boat, get out of here. She felt sick with horror. It had always seemed like a fantasy to her, almost. She had always imagined that Nate wasn't really serious about Blair, that he would one day realize that he was in love with her. But now Serena had proof. Blair and Nate were really and truly in love and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She walked into her room and closed the door, sinking down onto the floor. She placed her head into her hands and began to cry over Nate Archibald, the one boy who didn't want her.

In Blair's room, Nate and Blair stood awkwardly, realizing how naked they were. Neither of them spoke, as they knew the moment had been killed. Nate wanted to go to Serena and tell her that it wasn't what it looked like and that it was her he wanted, but he was frozen. Blair was trying to calm herself and tell herself that Serena hadn't meant to interrupt them. Still, Blair was a it angry at her for walking in.

"So, um…" Nate said, aware that this was an awkward silence. "Do you want to keep…um…doing it?"

Blair shook her head. "Sorry, Nate. It's just…I want it to be right, you know. And that wasn't right."

Nate sighed, relieved. He really didn't want to have sex with Blair right now. "I know what you mean. Do you want to head down to my friends' house and see if there's a party going on?"

Blair thought for a moment. Her head really hurt, and she needed some time to think about everything. "I don't know, Nate. Maybe you should just go. I'm kind of tired and I want to rest here."

Nate nodded. "Okay. I'll see if Serena wants to come."

Suddenly Blair regretted not going to the party with him, but she wasn't one to change her mind. Why didn't she want Serena to go to the party with Nate, anyway? It would be better than having her around here, stumbling in and asking lots of questions about what she had just seen. "Cool," Blair said, although it really wasn't. "I'll see you later."

"All right," he said, pecking her on the cheek. He walked out of her room and walked over to where Serena was staying. He knocked on her door, gently. "Serena? It's me, Nate."

Serena jumped up from where she had been sitting. Damn. She looked in the little mirror above her bureau. Her eyes were rimmed red from tears, and her face was wet. "One sec," she called, aware that he voice was tight from sobbing.

She splashed water on her face and dried her eyes. Nate couldn't know that she had been crying. She plastered her best smile on her face and answered her door. "Hey," she said. "Sorry about…you know."

"It's all right," Nate said, meaning it. He looked closely at Serena and noticed that her eyes were red. She had looked like this when they were little and she had dropped her ice cream cone on the ground and burst into tears. Why would she have been crying, though? He looked her over again, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Serena both loved and hated the fact that he could immediately tell that something was wrong. She was lucky that he couldn't tell what it was, though. "Me? I'm fine. Just having, you know, allergies."

It was not a convincing lie, even to her, but Nate didn't press it. "So, Blair wants to rest, but I was going to head over to my friends' house. I've know them forever, the Victors, and they've always got a party going on during the summer. Do you want to come with me?"

Serena' heart skipped a beat, and she would have liked to pretend that Nate was really asking her to come with him, to be his date for the night. She knew, however, that that was not the case, and that he was simply asking her out of politeness. He was probably pissed at her anyway, for walking in on his sex with Blair. Still, she didn't want to miss out on a party with Natie. "Sure," she said. "Just give me a minute to change."

Serena rummaged through the suitcase that she had not yet unpacked. She found a garnet-purple Dior dress. It was cut low, and highlighted her cleavage. It was also short enough to make her colt-like legs look even longer and skinnier. It was strappy and gorgeous and totally her. She slipped it on, along with a pair of black satin heels. Running a brush through her straight, white-gold locks, and dabbing a bit of bronzer on her naturally tan cheeks, she tried to force herself to forget about her misery. Nate and Blair are in love, she told herself. You should be happy for them and try not to stand in their way.

She stepped out of her room and waved at Nate, who was dressed in a polo shirt and shorts. Now that she had seen him wearing nothing, it was hard not to think of his tight muscles and gorgeous body. She shook her head, however, and went to knock timidly on Blair's door.

"Come in," Blair called.

Serena stepped in, looking down at her best friend. She was lying on her bed, reading Elle. "I'm sorry about earlier," Serena said. "I didn't mean to, you know, interrupt that."

Blair looked up at her beautiful best friend and found it hard to hold a grudge against her. "It's ok," Blair sighed. "Knock next time, though. And have fun partying the night away. Keep an eye on Natie, though, will you? Just in case."

"Sure," Serena replied, a bit confused. _Natie?_ That was what confused her most about that statement. Natie had always been what she called him. Why was Blair using _her_ nickname for him? And why would Blair be worried about him when he was so obviously crazy about her? Well, she would at least take her friend's advice and enjoy herself at the party tonight. Maybe she would even find a guy who could make her forget about her love for Nate. "G'night."

She stepped out of Blair's room. "I'm ready." Serena was conscious of Nate's eyes on her, looking her up and down. It made her feel embarrassed, almost naked, in the intensity of his gaze. "She giggled self-consciously. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing," Nate said, breaking his gaze. He said it in a way that made it seem like there was definitely something. "Let's go."

"How are we going to get to the island?" asked Serena.

"I have a little rowboat that I keep near the stern of the boat," he replied. Seeing Serena's confused look, he clarified. "The stern is the back of the boat."

She nodded and Nate walked ahead to take the rowboat out of its storage area. They were both quietly thinking their own thoughts as they stepped into the little boat. Nate picked up the oars and began to row steadily toward Cuttyhunk. The sound of the oars churning the water was calming and soothing to both of them. Nate found the courage inside of him to ask the question he had been thinking about. "Why were you crying earlier?"

Serena looked up, startled. "What?"

"I'm not an idiot, Serena. I know when something's wrong. You've been upset for a while now. It's not like you at all and it's worrying me," Nate blurted out, surprised at his own frankness.

Serena looked away, unsure how she ought to answer. The truth was rising in her throat, but then she remembered the brunette lying in her bed. Blair trusted her. She couldn't betray her like that. A tight smile crept onto her lips. "Really, Natie, I'm fine. I'm great."

Nate was silent again, unsatisfied by her answer. He could feel the intensity of the summer air. The heat molecules seemed to vibrate against each other, even as the sun sank below the horizon. The world felt like it was on the brink of an explosion, as though everything was about to burst. Luckily, the sound of laughter floated out from the beach. People were spilling out onto the shoreline, holding beers and stereos and everything else necessary for a party.

Serena's eyes brightened. "Wow," she said, laughing. "I can see why you love it here."

The rowboat hit the sand with a thump, and Serena and Nate hopped out onto the wet sand. She slipped a little as her heel sunk down, and he reached out his hand to steady her on her feet. Her heart fluttered as she looked up at him. She would have been happy to stay here forever. Their eyes met and it was like a shock of electricity ran through them. His hand lingered on her arm and her heart fluttered as Nate bent down, slowly toward her. Suddenly, a voice cried, "Nate! My man, is that you?"

Too quickly, Nate dropped her arm and shot up. He couldn't believe that he'd almost just kissed his girlfriend's best friend. He saw Charlie, the eldest of the Victor boys, standing in front of him. "Hey, Charlie! Long time no see."

Serena swayed on her feet again, wondering if she had just imagined what had happened. She watched as Nate and Charlie talked for a little while. She kicked off her shoes and through them in the rowboat.

"So who's your date?" Charlie asked, eyeing Serena.

"Oh, it's not a date," Nate said quickly. Charlie raised his eyebrows, suddenly more interested in the stunning blonde who was removing her high heels. Serena looked up at Charlie, who was handsome in a Calvin Klein advertisement sort of way. "Serena, this is Charlie Victor. Charlie, Serena's my best friend from New York."

Serena stuck out her hand, suddenly reminded of the fact that she and Nate were best friends, not lovers. "Nice to meet you."

"_Very_ nice to meet you," Charlie said. "Do you want a drink or something?"

Serena looked at Charlie again. His hair was blonder than Nate's, and his eyes were blue. He looked almost like he could be her brother, with his pointed nose and tanned skin. Still, he was a guy and a pretty hot guy. He might just be the distraction she needed. "A drink sounds like a very good idea," Serena replied, flashing him her famous smile.

Nate watched Charlie hitting on Serena and he almost wished he had said it was a date. But it was too late, as he could see from the way Charlie placed his hand on Serena's back. He watched as they drank a beer together, laughing and chatting. He should have known that Serena would find a guy at this party. He needed something hard to drink, now.

It was an hour later, while Nate was downing his third or fourth beer (he wasn't sure which, as the alcohol blurred the lines), when a tipsy Charlie and a very drunk Serena stumbled over to where he was sitting. She threw her arms around him, her long hair flying everywhere. For the second time that day, Serena van der Woodsen was incredibly drunk. "Natie!" she cried. "Where've you been? I have'n' seen you at allllll!"

"She's right, my man. What're you doing all alone over here? You wan' me to 'troduce you to some girls? Thanks for bringin' this one, by the way," Charlie said.

Nate looked at Serena, who had stopped embracing him and who was now dancing a little jig in the sand. "No problem," he lied. "But I have a girlfriend, you know that."

"Her name's Blairrr," Serena slurred. "An' he's in love with her."

Abruptly, Nate stood up. "Serena, I have to get back to the boat. Do you want to come?"

Charlie shot him an angry look, but Nate ignored it. He had to get out of here.

"Aww, Natiiiie. Don't ruin the party," Serena said, spinning around in her purple dress. "Let's dance!"

Before Nate knew it, he was out in the middle of the beach with Serena. She placed her hands on his shoulders and he felt himself automatically placing him on her waist. Around them, couples were dancing, their bodies undulating in time with the music that blasted from someone's speaker. It was a song Nate had heard before but couldn't place. He felt his body press against Serena's, letting her lead him and leading her in turn. It was blissful, perfect, just to be here, dancing with her.

_What day is it?_

_And in what month?_

_This clock never seemed so alive._

Serena was drunk, but she knew what she was doing. She was staring at Nate, dancing with him at a beach party, slowly. He was a good dancer, relaxed but firm, and they danced well together. She could feel everyone's eyes on them, and she knew they all thought that her and Nate were a golden, beautiful couple. For this moment in time, Serena let herself imagine that it was true.

I can't keep up

_And I can't back down_

_I've been losing so much time_

Nate felt the connection with Serena, the electric feeling that passed between them every time they touched. Could she feel it too? He had never really seen her dance like this, so slowly and sweetly. She was always dancing wildly, swaying her hips. But she was letting him hold her, move her, as they swayed gently. In the background, her heard the ocean, crashing on the shore. He knew him life was complicated and that there was a lot to deal with, but for now, he could just be here with the girl he loved.

'Cause there's you

_And me_

_And all of the people_

_With nothing to do, nothing to lose_

"Natie," Serena murmured. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded, feeling the best of her heart against his chest. They were so tangled up in each other now, with her arms around his neck and his arms around her back. It was insane.

"If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?" Serena whispered, realizing after she said it how drunk she sounded. She didn't even know where that question had come from, and what it meant, but it had come out of her mouth and she wanted an answer.

And there's you

_And me_

_And all of the people_

_And I don't know why,_

_But I can't keep my eyes off of you._

Nate looked at her, with her big navy eyes that were hiding her secret fragility. The world was empty except for her and him. All those other people in the background became nothing and it was just the two of them, together. "This," he whispered, pulling her into him and kissing her soft lips.

_All of the things I wanted to say_

_Just aren't coming out right._

_I'm tripping on words,_

_You've got my head spinning, _

_I don't know where to go from here._

They both felt it immediately, the intensity of the connection. Nate remembered how Blair tasted, like strawberries and gingerbread and home, and then he thought about this. Serena tasted like sunshine and stolen moments and indescribable freedom and everything in the world that was beautiful and wonderful.

'_Cause there's you_

_And me_

_And all of the people_

_With nothing to do, nothing to prove,_

_And there's you _

_And me_

_And all of the people_

_And I don't know why,_

_But I can't keep my eyes off of you._

Serena was literally swept off her feet by the surprising, beautiful kiss that Nate was sharing with her. She weakened against him, her limbs losing their feeling and her body becoming limp. It didn't matter, though, because Nate was holding her.


End file.
